Couples’ Responses  

Damon now collaborates with the California Catholic Bishops as an ambassador for the Radiate Love Initiative, which seeks to strengthen marriage. Drawing on research data published by Communio, an organization for which he consults with parishes on how to become vibrant hubs for family life, Damon shares, “One in five couples in the pew reports that they are currently struggling in marriage. I am sure there are more. While hope comes directly from the Lord, it also comes from those we surround ourselves with. We must fight the hiding and the shame, even in the good times.”

The reaction from couples to his ministry and the initiative continues to surprise him. "The response is enormous,” Damon said, “People at this point are not even sure whether a parish is relevant to helping to live marriage and family life.”  In Damon’s experience, “When couples feel seen, and when they are being offered the practical help to live their vocations, they come from miles around and stick around.” It is little wonder that, in keeping with the goals of our Pastoral Plan, Damon was invited by the Diocese of San José’s Office of Family Life to speak at Saints Nicholas and William parish on the USCCB Radiate Love Initiative.

Damon’s Story

When he was 13 and about to be confirmed, Damon had what he considers his first encounter with Christ. He recalled, “I didn't know what to do with that at 13.” Though he grew up considering himself Catholic, there was a depth that was lacking. “It was just an identity that was just there. I didn't have anything to build on, to grow on.” Having drifted from his faith in college, two things happened during his adulthood that set him on his current path: his father had a profound conversion, and he met his wife.  

Very quickly, at the start of the relationship with his wife, Damon shared, “We had a crisis of faith, and we decided to stop being sexually active and did not know where to go from there.” They wrestled with the Church’s moral teachings with the help of the pastor of Saint Columba Church in Oakland, whom Damon credits with shepherding them back to Mass. They married in 1993. “We immediately got involved in marriage preparation ministry because we were just so excited about how far we had come and how we had built a whole new chaste and passionate relationship.”

Troubled waters lay ahead for the couple. Although he worked in ministry and talked on Humanae Vitae and Pope Saint John Paul II’s Theology of the Body, his marriage was in trouble at the twenty-year mark. “In 2013, Melanie and I were not sure we would make it.” Damon realized, “I can't fake this. I need to tend to my own family. I cannot do this ministry until I get my house right.” He canceled a year’s worth of booked presentations to focus on this, and he humbly shared that it was two years before he and his spouse could delight in each other again after much hard work.  It is partially from this real-life experience that Damon found a renewed commitment to working in the Church to strengthen marriages.

Marriage Help is Not a Vending Machine

Damon admits, “I have no illusions of having the answers for everyone.  While Jesus is the answer, there are unique, specific, painful things that married couples deal with. Infidelity, betrayal, addiction: they are crushed under the weight of their failing relationships, and we need to help them.” During one of his parish visits, Damon recounted how he was shocked when the spouse of one of the parish organizers came up and asked for prayers. “They approached me and said, ‘We're in a terrible place right now. I think your visit is an answered prayer.’” Damon believes in the rejuvenating hope that can come from a community of faith committed to couples.

"Everywhere I go the need is constant! People need a renewed vision: a community of other married people, and the skills to get through every season of marriage,” Damon affirmed. One of Damon’s presentations is on normalizing or destigmatizing marriage enrichment to create a marriage-centric community. Imagining a Church that supports all seasons of marriage is one of Damon’s, Communio’s, and Radiate Love’s shared objectives.  

“Listening” one another into heaven

Damon believes the most effective way for the Church to do marriage ministry is in the community. He explained, “You've got to approach marriage ministry with more than just ideas and good intentions. You have to be careful because marriage help is not a vending machine where you give couples six answers and/or devotions to practice and then everything gets well. There are some things spouses need to work on individually, and couples need to work on together; they/we are not meant to work those out alone privately.”  

Amongst any help a parish can provide married couples, perhaps it is a strategic focus on encouraging friendship amongst married people, couples listening to couples, and making friends: that is the most significant ministry gap in the Church today. Damon shared, “We've forgotten the power of being heard and listened to. Someone said to me, and I love this: you can't talk or shame somebody into heaven, but you can probably listen someone into heaven.” For the Church, listening to couples, strengthening marriages through Radiate Love, Communio, and the efforts of missionary disciples like Damon and Melanie Owens may be the surest starting point to achieving that goal.