Almost by mistake, I went to a silent retreat at the Jesuit Retreat Center in Los Altos, expecting a quiet weekend of rest. I wasn’t Christian; I wasn’t religious; I just wanted a couple of days of rest. God gave me one night of sleep before he turned me inside out.

Before dawn on the day the retreat began, a single bird called mournfully from the darkness outside my window. That small voice seemed to express all the suffering in this world. My heart felt like it was breaking in half. I thought about the eighteen years of my younger sister’s suffering; how nothing I did could take away her pain or prevent her death. I understood that I was just like her, like every human being.

We all suffer; we all die. Total helplessness flooded through me, and finally, after a lifetime of prideful self-reliance, I submitted my will to God’s. I cried for Jesus, hanging in agony on His terrible cross. I read Saint Ignatius’s Suscipe prayer aloud.

I thought, “Yes, God, yes: I give everything to you. But, it is wrong to ask you for anything.” Immediately, I felt a warmth in my chest, like the heat of a fire. I closed my eyes, and my tears stopped. I felt the jagged halves of my heart being fused with Christ’s heart into one burning whole. I felt the love of God envelop me, as if my whole being was lifted into His arms.

I knew from the moment God called me awake, in that sudden and overwhelming experience of conversion, that I belonged in His one, holy, catholic, and apostolic Church. I have never had a moment of doubt. I was initially disappointed that it would take so long to receive the Sacraments of Initiation, but waiting taught me patience, obedience, diligence, and humility.

Looking back on my journey through OCIA or Order of Christian Initiation for Adults, what surprised and moved me the most was how great a gift the Church makes to her arriving members: so many people volunteering their time in support and offering their prayers, all the special rites leading up to the Sacraments of Initiation, the care given to Catechumens and the Elect by the clergy, the accompaniment by sponsors and godparents, and more.

OCIA incorporated me into the daily life of my parish and taught me what it means to be Catholic. OCIA is not just a program of Catholic catechism, a series of liturgical rites, and a celebration of sacraments. It is a generous gift of mentorship, support, and spiritual sharing offered by our brothers and sisters in Christ. I was so blessed to receive that precious gift.

My immeasurable joy at the Easter Vigil in 2025, when I was baptized, confirmed, and received first Holy Communion, persists to this day. That night of initiation was the most important night of my life; I was filled with a soaring spirit, a grateful heart, and a powerful sense of being ushered through sacred rituals into new life. I felt excitement, gratitude, love, and awe. I felt that all my life had been preparing me for those rites, for my rebirth into Christ.

I hope and pray that this testament encourages anyone who is considering entrance into this beautiful Catholic Church. As a dear Catholic friend says, “We want you!” Thanks be to God!