She and her colleague, retired business executive Keith Wildenberg, are on a mission to bridge the perceived gap between welcome and orthodoxy, which are often perceived as opposing camps. As Eve explained, “We are trying to say both aspects are a part of what it means to be Catholic. A lot of the conversation assumes that gay people are over here, and the Church is over there.”  Eve hopes to disrupt this polarity by sparking a conversation that explores, “What if by the time someone began to open the question of their sexuality, they were already totally confident that there was a place for them in the Catholic Church? What would that look like?”

She elaborated on why this discourse is both timely and crucial: “If you are a young person now, you have not seen anyone openly gay, self-accepting, who is practicing their faith to the best of their ability and leading a life seeking holiness. So how can we, as a Church, expect them to know how to do it? There is no one they can point to and say, ‘That person has a life of faith that I recognize and might want.’ In that absence, they will inevitably feel as if they must choose between their longings to love and be loved by another person and their longings to love and be loved by God.” This is why Eve is committed to sharing these stories. 

Eve’s Journey to Catholicism

Eve’s journey may serve as one such example, to all Catholics seeking to live a faith inclusive of both orthodoxy and welcome. “I was raised in a Jewish but mostly secular family. In college, I was shocked when, for the first time, I met Catholics who spoke about their faith in ways that resonated with me. These were people who knew that I was a lesbian but were totally accepting; they did not sit me down to have a conversation about what Jesus wants for my sex life.

“Instead, they talked about what in their faith was important to them, and they let me take whatever I wanted from that. They discussed the crucifixion as a response to the world's injustice, as an action that could enact justice and offer mercy. They talked about receiving the Eucharist. I was blown away by how much of what they said spoke to some of my deepest questions and longings. I began to investigate and try to learn more.”

According to Eve, the stories she proposes to share in Building Catholic Futures “show what the path to peace in faith looks like for someone who experiences same-sex desire. The other part of it is being able to tell those stories in a way that is relevant to everyone.” In creating BCF, she and Keith Wildenberg strove to find ways to ask questions about the spiritual journeys of these people that were universal, who were, in her words, “unambivalently Catholic, who surrendered their lives to Christ through the Church.”

Eve became a Catholic in 1998. Along the way, she reached a crossroads that was truly about trust. She described her feelings at that moment. “To my surprise, I found that I could trust the Church, even though I did not understand the reasons for what the Church was proposing for my life.”

A Tender and Trustworthy God and the Question of How to Live Out Love

“It matters enormously for everyone to discover that God loves you and is tender toward you,” Eve emphasized. For her, living as a faithful Catholic is more than simply surrendering to Church teachings; it is surrendering to a tender, trustworthy, and loving God. "I trust that the Church has wisdom that is animated by Love. He is, you know, completely transcendent, and He genuinely, specifically, loves and cherishes you.”  

Before Building Catholic Futures, Eve has previously written books about the spiritual lives of gay Christians and especially gay Catholics. Her second book is called Tenderness because, as she shared, “that was the thing that I really had to discover in God. I was speaking to so many people who had experienced real damage in their relationship with God due to falsehoods that they had been taught or mistreatment they had received, or just the huge silence and absence of other people who were openly gay and trying to follow a more orthodox path.”

Her message is rooted in the Gospel and is meant for all Catholics who are universally called to live in loving, heroic, and chaste friendships with others. Since becoming Catholic, she shared, “I have tried to understand the theology of the Church's sexual ethics. I would not say that I have a theological account to propose. I see now more of how what the Church teaches reflects what is in scripture, and that is powerful.”

In scripture, she finds the book of Ruth deeply inspirational: “Only when I was pretty far into my journey as a Catholic did I realize that there are practices of vowed or covenanted friendship, or kinship, between men and between women that mirror the promises of Ruth to Naomi.” Eve compares chaste relationships to the familial loyalty of these two scriptural figures. “It truly is ‘Where you go, I will go. Your people will be my people. Your God will be my God.’ That kind of deep love, non-sexual love for someone of the same sex, is something people across the whole spectrum of sexual orientation can experience.”

Eve continued, “When someone starts trying to understand the meaning of their same-sex desire, as a Catholic, I think they’re often asking two questions that very few people are prepared to help them answer. First, ‘What’s the purpose of my longing to love and share my life with another woman or another man?’ And second, ‘What will my future look like?’ There are answers to those questions within our faith. One of BCF’s principles is to ‘showcase unnoticed vocations.’

“I know many people who identify as gay, bi, or same sex attracted, who are serving God and neighbor through ordinary friendships or in intentional communities. They serve in parishes, as hospital volunteers, as teachers, and as musicians. Some even feel called to sacramentally marry a life partner of the opposite sex, whom they genuinely love and remain faithful to, while others serve the Church in religious life. For me, models like Ruth and Naomi help me understand how the love of a woman might shape my life in harmony with my faith. Models of vowed friendship have helped many gay Catholics discern how God might be working in our longings.”

An Encounter of Mutual Trust

The key to unity lies in working for encounters of mutual trust between individuals and the Church. Eve explained, “The Church has wisdom, and individuals have unique insight into their own lives. As much as I am obedient to the Church, I must trust that you have some insight into what is going on with you.” This trust between individuals and the Church only happens when all parties trust that their neighbor will work to protect each other’s values.

Eve offered this for reflection: “We need to ask, ‘What if the goods that others are trying to preserve are not actually in conflict with the goods that I am personally trying to preserve?’ I feel like the rock-bottom answer is that if you live in a loving and welcoming way, people will come to you and confide what they need. If you are trustworthy, people will open up to you and share more of themselves.”

When everyone can trust that their neighbor will value what is important to them, even if they do not necessarily agree, then we will finally see obedience and welcome come together. This will hopefully assure everyone, without exception, that there is a place for them in the Church. MN